Sandy, Oh Sandy

                      I grew up in NYC. I now live in the heart of the south Alabama. That's how I came up with my company name, and my blog name. Kinda cute , huh? Well it wasn't me. It was hubby, but, ehhh who's counting? I moved here after a year in Florida ,when hubby ( wasn't hubby yet0 found a wonderful job here.I have a wonderful house and two of the most amazing youngens' ( yup I'm all southern now ) that a woman can ask for, not to mention the worlds most amazing ,wonderful , caring, giving , and strong husband. I don't often have anything to ever be upset about. i mean we struggle. There are times when things get rough, but who doesn't. Then I watched Super Storm Sandy happen and my perspective shifted.

                    When hurricane Katrina happened, my uncle came and stayed with us. Even though I watched all the coverage of that horrific time and other than my uncle, I had no real connection to the city and the surrounding areas. I had never been to any of the places I saw. Other than my uncle I knew no one who lived there, and he was in my home and safe. Yes it was tragic and horrific and scary but it was like I wasn't connected. I wasn't plugged in. Then hurricane Sandy came along 7  years later and everything changed .

                 Watching the storm coverage on the news has been breaking my heart . Watching during the storm the crazy weather channel guy Jim Canttore as he stood in Battery Park ( for those that don't know it's the southern tip of Manhattan , where you catch the ferries to Staten Island, Ellis Island or the Statue of Liberty) , and he was knee deep in water, water that I knew from having been in that spot or one very close to it a thousand times was now 15 feet above normal hit me hard. I can remember hoping on the S.I. ferry a million times from that spot.  I can remember meeting Bryant there one afternoon many moons ago. I even took hubby down there and showed him around when we went up to New York and stayed with Karen for Kimberly and Steve's wedding. Watching the Jersey skyline behind him go dark. Him actually looking a little afraid at hearing 95 mile an hour winds on the Long Island Sound and saying he needed to get out of the area he was in frightened me. I have watched him during storms for as long as I can remember and he has never left his post before. And as I sit and watched I never thought that him leaving wouldn't even come close to being the worst of it.

              As the storm continued on , I would see in my newsfeed updates from friends and family. I would ask if they are okay . Some would say yep for now. Never did I think that a week later, most would still not have power. Or heat. Or clean water. This is a disaster on the same level as Katrina. The city is just as devastated as New Orleans was. The difference is no levys breached. The results are the same however where entire sections of the city are siting in ruins. Howard Beach, The Rockaways and others. NO power , no heat, water anything. I hurt just thinking about it. All the people that  I came into contact with at some point in life , or actually knew and were friends with or even worse the family from my dad's side who I don't have contact with ( that blame is all on super storm Janet , otherwise known as the crazy lady who gave birth to me) all those innocent people who are hurting so badly and aren't  getting the help they need.

              And then there is Staten Island. It is one of the only places I was ever really and truly happy. From 94-99  or so it is where I was whenever I could get there. It is where all of my amazing  friends that got me through the years with my mom were and still are. Staten Island is more than just a borough, especially to all those that live there now or have lived there. Once you have been there it becomes part of your heart. It is  a magical place that is still in NYC but so far away you don't always think of it that way. Seeing the horrors that everyone is going through is just horrible and tragic and devastating. I am so far away and can only pray for them to get the help they need. I hope it is soon

Coffe Talk

I have debated and debated writing this post. I didn't want to seem crazy or stalkerish or anything like that. It has been bothering me and weighing on me so here it goes.

When Brayden's accident happened I was in a private group that was run by the same people who run The Made Page on facebook. They were so very supportive of me and my family during this horrible time we experienced. They even had a benefit auction and raised about $200 to help my family . It was wonderful and heartwarming and appreciated beyond measure. There were no words for what it meant. Not only the auction and support but their friendships.
Fast forward to the end of August.One of the administrators was making dinner. Her 10 year old) accidentally dropped her 3 month old. She was very upset and worried and rushed him to the ER. While there she posted in the group she was still waiting ( it had been a long time that she was waiting) . Now here comes the sticky part , the part where I screwed up. I commented that maybe they didn't ( meaning the doctors/staff) think it was serious. She was devastated by my comment rightfully so. I tried apologizing but was quickly out of the group and that was okay I deserved it. I just want to say though that the way it came out was 100% not what I meant to say( on a side note someone did message me that the baby was okay later on). What I meant was that if the staff had any thoughts or inclination that something was even remotely or possibly wrong with him that the would have taken him back right away to check on him. That if he could have anything seriously wrong they would have seen him and not made him wait. In truth that is not what I said nor is it how the message was received. I have felt guilty EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. SINCE. I have moved on, they have moved on. It was more than 2 months since it happened. I regret very much what I said and how it was taken.
I am not even sure why I wrote this post. A confession? To make myself feel better? Hoping they see this? I really don't know. I lost most of the friends I had in the group that were my " friends" and my page. I miss them. I miss the laughs. I miss not having a place to complain about the stuff I can't just " post" out to the public. I know that I am 100% responsible for what happened. I asked a friend to get them the message then. I don' know if they ever got it. I don't know if they will see this. But it is worth a try. I hope this eases my heart. I hope this is seen by them so they know that I didn't mean any harm. The thought of people who were so caring and giving and supportive when I needed them most, that were there for me being hurt by my stupidity and thoughtlessness hurts me. I hurt them and for that I will always be sorry. I am sorry I didn't think before typing. I am sorry my words hurt. I may not have meant it they way it was taken, but I said it , and take full responsibility for my actions. I wish every single person in the group, much love , wealth , happiness , and joy. I hope that one day you all will be able to see that I was not coming from a mean place and that I really am truly sorry for my actions.
I have learned a lot from this. I try very , very hard now to think before I speak. I have learned that words really do hurt. I have learned that I can say things in a manner that hurt. I am very very sorry. I can not turn back the hands of time only move forward in a hopefully more positive direction.

Thank you Coffee Talk ladies for your love , friendship and support. I may have only had it for a brief fleeting moment but that moment is one I will always treasure and keep close to my heart. Thank you.