Religion, it is what's confusing

I grew up in NYC and catholic.I even went to catholic school up until the fourth grade was over. I know the bible that I grew up with. I know what I learned going to religion class every day during school . I know what I learned going to church. I now live in the deep south, in the bible belt. I go to a Baptist church. I gave a Baptist bible. And when I read the bible ,when I go to my church all I can think is WTH? I do not ( and don't think I ever will) understand how the to faiths are so different! In the catholic faith you go to church when you can but you live by God's word and your good. You go to confession. You talk to your priest and he helps you make things right by doing your penance. Yes the priest is a man and he is not the one forgiving you of your sins, but , he is the one laying a path out by giving you pray or what ever else he may deem right so God can absolve you. Baptist on the other hand all you do is go to the alter and ask God to forgive you for what you have done you pray, and your good. I am so confused about how different things are when in truth they are basically the same faith. Christians believe Jesus came to earth because God was so upset with His "children" that he sent His only son to die so we can be forgiven.And believe me I know that to be true to so many. I know that is how so many people I know that so many know in their hearts that Jesus shed his blood for us.
According to Baptist if you are not saved ( saved is taking Jesus Christ into your heart and asking him to forgive you for all your sins)you will not get into heaven to be with Him. So every catholic ( which is the base for the baptist religion) every Protestant, every Lutheran is burning in hell if I have this right. They believe in God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. The bible is read and followed. They live by the same rules, but because they were not saved, they are in hell. So basically according to this standard, Mother Theresa is burning in hell. Someone out there in cyber world explain this to me explain to me how these rules can apply. Baptist I have realized are so blinded by their faith, never ever in my experience has any one that I have spoken to seen any other side to it. It is fact to them and there is no other way. I understand believing in something so strongly that in your heart you know there is no other truth. What I don't understand is how it is so black and white and the lines are so clear and how there is no gray areas. According to my understanding and the way things have been explained to me, even murders get into heaven if they are saved and ask God for forgiveness. HUH? Last time I checked it was one of the Ten Commandments. Though shall not kill. Now I do believe that some killers are in heaven. Things in their life were so bad, that they had no choice , but some just killed for fun, killed for their own amusement, for money for fame for whatever . While in prison they get either bored or trying to get out they use God's forgiveness and say they are changed. Now I get that He is an all knowing all in compassing being and that He would know that but.well still not computing. I am confused as to how I can be told being gay is wrong because children can not be made by that union, yet you can use birth control. Growing up catholic, birth control is considered just as much of a sin as murder. It in fact is considered murder. You are preventing life from happening. I will never see the difference. I will never understand. God made every single person who is gay , gay. He made them that way. So if He made them gay, He made them molded them and put them on this earth just so when they die they go to hell? Not the God I know. God forgives all, God knows all, God loves all.
I have never met one gay person, who would say that they walk an easy path. That if they knew that they had a choice would no matter what chose to be gay. It is a very hard life. Everywhere you go some one hates you. Everywhere you go you do not have the same rights as anyone else. So doesn't it make sense that maybe just maybe somewhere along the lines God's words were later to fit someone else agenda? Now if you go by the belief that God knew it would happen or he let it happen because that is what he wanted then wouldn't he want you to listen now , now that most of the world ( except the USA) is now more understanding, that they have more of an open heart?Religion has confused me my whole life. I know that all Gods are one God , all Goddesses are one Goddess and their is only one initiator. TO me that means whether you are Buddhist,Christan, Catholic, Jewish , or Muslim, as long as you live a life that is righteous, have strong beliefs and stand by them . You are a good person and do good things, when you leave this world the powers that be whatever you believe them to be all morph and become the same thing and welcome you with open arms. Okay I think I have rambled enough. I will talk about this again on another day. Sorry I jumped from point to point , never solidly explaining anything, just so much to say and it all came out at the same time.

Glutton for Punsihment

I am probably the biggest glutton for punishment EVER. To explain this I guess I have to go further back and say that my mother was missing or where abouts unknown to me since February of 2008. I didn't know if she was dead alive in jail homeless, nothing ( but according to my mother my sister did < but that is something else> know). My mother was very very abusive, and those words may not even cover what she did. Yet over the last year or two or even three I find myself missing my mother, wanting her back in my life. Which is crazy because I haven't seen her in almost 12 years. It is so hard trying to balance and be a mom and not having yours.
Then in April my brother went to visit my sister in Pennsylvania( where they lived with my mother for 6 years) and went out for drinks with high school friends. Afterwards he dropped one of the friends off and the friends mom was friends with my mother. He asked her do you know where my mom is , do you know if she is okay? And not only did the woman know but she had her phone number and address and gave it to Glenn. Glenn being GLenn went and found her. Spoke with her , he SAW her. And then gave me her number. i debating calling her speaking with her bewcasue Iknow the drama that comes with her, but for whatever reason , I did. And I instantly regreted it. My mother was well my mother. Complaining, hinting for things. Ugh. And here's the thing no matter how awefull I feel after talking to her, I still do. Can someone explain this to me? I don't get it. She is so aweful and herendous and mean and eviland yet I keep going back for more. I just sent her a big envolope full of pictures. Last time she had pictures of my kids she got her trailer taken away from her. So why in God's name did I do it again? I have no clue but now I need a cookie!