Coffe Talk

I have debated and debated writing this post. I didn't want to seem crazy or stalkerish or anything like that. It has been bothering me and weighing on me so here it goes.

When Brayden's accident happened I was in a private group that was run by the same people who run The Made Page on facebook. They were so very supportive of me and my family during this horrible time we experienced. They even had a benefit auction and raised about $200 to help my family . It was wonderful and heartwarming and appreciated beyond measure. There were no words for what it meant. Not only the auction and support but their friendships.
Fast forward to the end of August.One of the administrators was making dinner. Her 10 year old) accidentally dropped her 3 month old. She was very upset and worried and rushed him to the ER. While there she posted in the group she was still waiting ( it had been a long time that she was waiting) . Now here comes the sticky part , the part where I screwed up. I commented that maybe they didn't ( meaning the doctors/staff) think it was serious. She was devastated by my comment rightfully so. I tried apologizing but was quickly out of the group and that was okay I deserved it. I just want to say though that the way it came out was 100% not what I meant to say( on a side note someone did message me that the baby was okay later on). What I meant was that if the staff had any thoughts or inclination that something was even remotely or possibly wrong with him that the would have taken him back right away to check on him. That if he could have anything seriously wrong they would have seen him and not made him wait. In truth that is not what I said nor is it how the message was received. I have felt guilty EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. SINCE. I have moved on, they have moved on. It was more than 2 months since it happened. I regret very much what I said and how it was taken.
I am not even sure why I wrote this post. A confession? To make myself feel better? Hoping they see this? I really don't know. I lost most of the friends I had in the group that were my " friends" and my page. I miss them. I miss the laughs. I miss not having a place to complain about the stuff I can't just " post" out to the public. I know that I am 100% responsible for what happened. I asked a friend to get them the message then. I don' know if they ever got it. I don't know if they will see this. But it is worth a try. I hope this eases my heart. I hope this is seen by them so they know that I didn't mean any harm. The thought of people who were so caring and giving and supportive when I needed them most, that were there for me being hurt by my stupidity and thoughtlessness hurts me. I hurt them and for that I will always be sorry. I am sorry I didn't think before typing. I am sorry my words hurt. I may not have meant it they way it was taken, but I said it , and take full responsibility for my actions. I wish every single person in the group, much love , wealth , happiness , and joy. I hope that one day you all will be able to see that I was not coming from a mean place and that I really am truly sorry for my actions.
I have learned a lot from this. I try very , very hard now to think before I speak. I have learned that words really do hurt. I have learned that I can say things in a manner that hurt. I am very very sorry. I can not turn back the hands of time only move forward in a hopefully more positive direction.

Thank you Coffee Talk ladies for your love , friendship and support. I may have only had it for a brief fleeting moment but that moment is one I will always treasure and keep close to my heart. Thank you.